Beyond the Trigger: A Conversation about Choices, Consequences & Change

In this powerful and honest conversation, Charlynn sits down with co-host Kelvin to discuss a chapter of his life that changed everything.

Kelvin shares his experience serving 14 years in prison after a gun charge, the impact it had on his life, the lessons he learned, and how one decision can create consequences that last far beyond the moment.

This conversation is not about glorifying the past. It is about accountability, growth, healing, and understanding the importance of making better choices when emotions are high.

Together, Charlynn and Kelvin discuss the importance of handling disagreements without violence, the impact gun violence has on families and communities, and the lives forever changed by the loss of loved ones.

This episode is for anyone who believes in second chances, personal growth, and the power of becoming a better version of yourself.

Because behind every decision is a story… and every story has the opportunity for transformation.

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:00

What you did. Welcome to another episode. Oh my goodness. Welcome to another episode of Becoming with Sharmer. I have hired a guest. I have a co-host now. I don't I didn't have my guest, I have a co-host, and his name is Kelvin Oglesby, who I'm whom I happen to be married to for 20. What how many? How long was it? Happily married. Oh long happy. He said happily married. Happily married for how long, Kevin? How long we've been happily married?

SPEAKER_00 0:33

Since 85.

SPEAKER_01 0:36

For 28 years, right? Is it 28 years September or is it already 28 years? 28 years. Yeah, it's 28 years. All right. Well, welcome, welcome to my new name, Becoming with Shar. And um, I just want to talk to you a little bit about um your. I'm gonna talk about, let me tell you what I want to talk about. I want to talk about what I see now. You know, becoming with star, I had to really reach back and say, who are you becoming, Shar? Char's visionary path was good for the season of my journey. But everything got became larger. My vision became larger. Um, what I what I felt like I was going through, I had to reach back and ask myself, Charlene, who are you becoming in the midst of all this? Are you becoming the person you used to be, or are you becoming something better? So I wanted to build a community. This isn't just a podcast for me. This is a community that I'm building um with women specifically, but also men who are in their healing journey. And so um you have to become so, I don't know. I you just have to figure out who you're becoming. And I think that while I was gone um and I was healing privately or going through this through some things privately, I had to figure out who I was becoming. And so um, I'm glad to have you here as a co-host. I'm so happy to have you um here to uh I hired you. You you know that, right?

SPEAKER_00 2:17

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 2:18

Okay, all right. You don't get paid, but you hired, okay.

SPEAKER_00 2:21

I just want to. I already didn't figure that for it up.

SPEAKER_01 2:24

But uh what I want to talk about today because we see so much of um gun violence.

SPEAKER_00 2:29

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 2:29

And you and I have talked privately about this gun violence, and I think it's weighed very heavy on you about um gun violence and what you're seeing and how people feel like instead of fighting, um, you know, we're not promoting fighting at all. But instead of them just doing that, and the best man, you know, back in the day, they it was what was the best man hit my hand or the baddest man hit my hand, um, and then it would be that, and then everybody goes on, go on by um their way. But now is um no, you you can't take that that whatever you got and then um and just go home. Now you're going home or you're going to your vehicle and you're picking up a gun and you're going to kill. And you see a lot of younger people, junk, younger generations, they're doing this, they're getting into gangs and they're killing, they're shooting, and all of this. And so I want to go back. I know you are a changed man now, but what I want to do is I want to go back to the place that you weren't and you spent how many months?

SPEAKER_00 3:37

140, 168 months.

SPEAKER_01 3:41

168 months in prison. It was not school, it was prison. It was not college, Kevin. It was don't say that.

SPEAKER_00 3:52

It was college.

SPEAKER_01 3:52

Don't say okay. You spent 168 months in prison on a gun charge. Well, so can we go back, take me back to 2001? What what year was that?

SPEAKER_00 4:06

It was uh 10 or 12, I think. No.

SPEAKER_01 4:11

No, because you got out in 200, what, 13 or 12? It was so it was like 2006 or 2007, right? Somewhere up in there. It was somewhere up in there. We're not clear on on the actual year, but erased it. Yeah, but some things you can erase. And so let's let take me back to that, that moment that you what led up to that moment.

SPEAKER_00 4:36

Well, then, you know, you feel like you had to prove a point by, you know, setting a tone with a gun. You know, you feel like, you know, this this gonna make me tougher, bad or bigger, you know, which it don't. You know, you just show you how stupid it is. You don't make you no bigger or no better. You know what I mean? Because at the end, both parties gonna be gone. Both lives is lost.

SPEAKER_01 5:05

But I want to go back to you. I wanna, we we're talking in, you're talking in general. I want to go back to you. What led you to put you in a place to put you in a mindset to put you in a mindset to have to pick up a gun and shoot someone? What led you there?

SPEAKER_00 5:24

Well, my temple. I couldn't control my temple. And once the temple light comes on, it's on.

SPEAKER_02 5:30

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 5:31

And I couldn't control my temple. And once I got an altercation, you know, I felt like, okay, you know, y'all want to play with the guns. Let's let's play with the guns. You know, and I went there.

SPEAKER_01 5:42

So it was uh it was like you all were you all had guns on each other?

SPEAKER_00 5:47

Yeah, we they had a gun first, you know.

SPEAKER_01 5:50

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_00 5:51

It led to me receiving my gun. Yeah. Well when I got my gun, I pulled the trigger.

SPEAKER_01 5:58

So they were playing, but you shot.

SPEAKER_00 5:59

Yeah, I was for real.

SPEAKER_01 6:01

And do you remember how many um bullets you actually shot? About how many?

SPEAKER_00 6:07

Oh, I suck. Damn. I don't know. I just I just kept shooting.

SPEAKER_01 6:13

You put out rounds that could have not only shot the person that you shot, but you could have taken a lot of lives because this was at a store, right? Am I right by saying that? I can't remember.

SPEAKER_00 6:24

It was at a store, but and then it and to be honest with you, and to be, you know, which it it ain't had to lead to that. Right. You know, because you could have handled it a different way. Mm-hmm. You know.

SPEAKER_01 6:37

Were you even fighting a fight? Wait, let me ask you this. Were you even fighting a fight for you, or was you or were you fighting a fight for somebody else?

SPEAKER_00 6:47

I don't forget how it was, to be honest. I can't remember. Mm-hmm. But I know once they flashed a gun and I say, okay, y'all, this way we'll go. Mm-hmm. You know. And then, you know, and once my temple got there, you know, I'm there.

SPEAKER_01 7:04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 7:04

You know, and whatever consequence it is, it is.

SPEAKER_01 7:07

You'll deal with it. So that's how you felt about it. And so your consequences happened to be 13 years, basically. It was a hundred and whatever months it was. Yeah, about 14 years that you were taken away from your family, your children, your mom.

SPEAKER_00 7:24

Yeah, yeah, you lose everything. Yeah. Your mom got a senior money, your wife got a girlfriend. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 7:36

So, so why do you think looking at what you see now, the generation that you see now, and people now, um, and it's not just younger generations. It's I'm seeing people that are in their 30s. Yeah, it's not new, younger. Yeah, it's 30s, 30s, and 40s, and and you know, they're they're they're reverting back to these guns um and taking people's lives. Innocent people are losing lives, as a matter of fact.

SPEAKER_00 8:01

But it go back to what I'm what the what I said. I mean, the temp, the the the temple of that person, it's gonna, he feel like he gotta prove a point. By him feeling like he got to prove a point, this is what he's gonna leave, this makes him bigger and bad and tougher.

SPEAKER_01 8:21

Yeah, and that's how I feel. It it's not to me, it's not the temper of the person. I feel like they feel like they have to prove a point to someone. They have that, I'm the baddest man, and I'm gonna let you see I'm the baddest person. That's not, excuse me, that's not just for men. I see women doing the same thing. Yeah. Um, and I'm and it's it's saddening and it's it's um so heartbreaking to see because so many innocent lives, lives of innocent children. Like I think I was looking at the news, and I barely look at the news now because it's so much negativity, and on social media, it's so much negativity. But children are laying in their beds and people are going by their houses in retaliation to whatever altercation they've had with a family member, and those children are losing their lives.

SPEAKER_00 9:08

And it's a lives being shot because once you shoot them assault rifles into a house or car, whoever in that vehicle, you know, pretty much ain't gonna come out alive.

SPEAKER_02 9:20

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 9:20

You shoot them kind of a rounds, them kind of heavy rounds into a vehicle, a home, or one or whatever doors, you know, the lives gonna be took. Yeah. And what I feel like um today, I mean the black market gonna have the guns out there. You're gonna get the guns, a fifty thirteen year old can go get any kind of weapon he wants.

SPEAKER_01 9:45

They're getting them off the street.

SPEAKER_00 9:46

Black market. You know, until they make a tougher law by for you know, you gotta go to school for this to be able to own or purchase this. You know, you gotta have some kind of training behind this. That's the only way you're gonna eliminate a lot of it. The the toughness law of purchasing the gun. Cause you the black market, you know, they're gonna be out there.

SPEAKER_01 10:16

Yeah. I don't even know that that will uh that will restrict anything. I don't know that that will stop them from getting, because just like you said, they're out there. And people are uh older adults are giving children guns, and they're there, these children are joining gangs and they're being initiated by going to rob people and kill people and all of these things. And I I it's a it's to me, it's just a lost generation. That um, and again, I'm watching mothers, I'm looking at mothers on uh social media, and they're in you, you know, they're crying, they're they're going through all of this heartache and pain because they're they've lost their child. They've lost sometimes innocent children. They've lost innocent children because of these guns. And that's all we see is gun, gun, gun. What thing, what do you think brought us here? Do you think it's um the politicians are not being as tough on their on their what you did say about the laws and uh and about that.

SPEAKER_00 11:22

There's a scrick of laws, that's the only way it's gonna change. And then a lot of it is you can parent a child all you want to. You can give him the world. But that don't mean he's gonna go straight down the path you give him.

SPEAKER_02 11:35

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 11:35

You know, I was given uh, you know, everything I ever wanted.

SPEAKER_02 11:39

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 11:39

I ain't never seen a dark night. Mm-hmm. You know? Uh, you know, I was raised with a silver spoon, gold spoon, mm-hmm, diamond spoon, whatever you want to call them, you know, but that that ain't I didn't choose the path they that mom and dad laid out for me.

SPEAKER_02 11:54

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 11:55

I strayed to the left. Yeah. Still, you know what I'm saying, following with the path. And you know, that don't make you no tough guy by having a gun.

SPEAKER_02 12:04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 12:05

That don't make you tough. That don't make you no bad, you know.

SPEAKER_01 12:09

But while you were in, while you were in prison though, um college. But while you were in while you were in college, if that's what makes you happy, while you were in college, um, who do you feel like or did you work on becoming someone better?

SPEAKER_00 12:30

Yeah, I I took a lot of anger management classes to try to deal with anger. So if you don't, you gotta get that under control, number one. Anger. And you gotta have respect for yourself. Oh, a small altercation can lead into a big altercation.

SPEAKER_01 12:47

Right.

SPEAKER_00 12:48

Which you can handle the altercation in a different way. You know, it don't gotta turn to violence.

SPEAKER_02 12:53

Yeah, you can disappear.

SPEAKER_00 12:55

Somebody can be a bigger man or whatever you want to call it, lesser man or whatever. It don't make you no smaller or no bigger. Right. Or walk away. You got that.

SPEAKER_02 13:03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 13:03

Now if you just pushed in a corner where you gotta retaliate or you gotta do this, then that's what it leads to.

SPEAKER_01 13:10

Mm-hmm. But But you don't have to leave. I don't feel like you have to.

SPEAKER_00 13:14

You can avoid all of that. Right. It can be avoided. I'm telling you. It don't gotta resort to a gun. You don't gotta have no gun violence and got the gun violence can be really controlled.

SPEAKER_01 13:24

So you think the anger management helped you out quite a bit with being able to go back into society and to be able to deal because I can see the difference with you when it came to that. Some things that I know for a fact you would have handled different, you handle them differently now. Like your composure is a lot different now. Your um tolerance is a lot different. That's not to say that when it's time to step up, you won't step up because you will, but I see the difference in what used to be and what is now. Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_00 13:58

So you became something day.

SPEAKER_01 14:01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 14:01

And then, you know, you you constantly like, you gotta talk to somebody. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? And you talk talk to good people, you know. I got a lot of good friends, you know. And I you know, they speak holly. I mean, we, you know, communicate a lot. And so it kind of keeps me on a path that well I don't have this temperament, like, you know.

SPEAKER_01 14:21

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 14:21

You don't have to be anger. Yeah, you know?

SPEAKER_01 14:24

Yeah. So And that does make a difference. I always say that it makes a difference with who you have in your circle. That's true. That makes a difference, and people don't understand that you have to be very mindful about who you have around you because they can either um be a liability or an asset. And you gotta know when you're trying to grow and when you're trying to heal, when you're trying to become a better person, um, you have to have the right type of people around you to encourage you and to um um uh uh um play put into you what you need to get to that next. I'm very, very big on that. I'm very careful about who I have around me, and I've always been like that.

SPEAKER_00 15:04

Well, you always preach that to me too. Yeah. So you always, you know what I'm saying? Uh I might be doing something that you disagree with, and you will say, you will pull me off when whenever something leave, or whoever I'm talking to, you were like, you know, yeah, you know, you don't need, you know, this that ain't you know, so and so, so-and-so.

SPEAKER_02 15:23

But yeah.

SPEAKER_00 15:24

And I respect you. I mean, I I say you're right. You know, I come out and say, Well, you're right. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 15:29

Yeah, you do. That I'm I'm big on that because I feel like um the generation, the you know, what's going on now with all of this gun violence and all of this, it's a lot to do with the circle that the people are um um choosing to be around and they want to be a part of, and they feel like they have to do this and that to be a part of. And um, I just feel like a lot of innocent lives, again, I keep going back to that, but a lot of a lot of innocent lives are being lost because of that. So um it since you've been home when it comes to to the guns, to the guns, because I'm really sticking on the guns, because you see, again, a lot of little babies, and oh, it's terrible. Um, they're losing their lives. But since you've been home, have you, and I'll put you on the spot, have you used what your you've gone through, your experience that you've gone through, have you used that platform to help anyone else?

SPEAKER_00 16:29

Oh yeah. I have to mentor. Yeah. I have I tell them all the time, you know, a lot of younger guys that, you know, be around me, you know, you don't gotta turn to guns. You don't gotta have that. You know, you can go anywhere in the world without a gun. You know. And I tell them, you know what I mean? If you gotta have a gun, you in the wrong place.

SPEAKER_01 16:51

Yeah. That's right.

SPEAKER_00 16:53

If you're not over there in Iraq or Iran fighting a war, you don't need no gun.

SPEAKER_02 16:58

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 16:58

You know, you can go anywhere in the world without a gun. Yeah. So that's the same thing, you know. My brother Ramon tell me the same thing. He like, man, if you got to take a gun with you, that's a bad start from the beginning. Yeah. That's a, I mean, that's a you starting off wrong.

SPEAKER_01 17:16

You putting yourself in a bad position already.

SPEAKER_00 17:18

Putting yourself in a bad position from the beginning.

SPEAKER_01 17:20

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 17:20

Because that's gonna lead you back to what I said. Thank you tough, big, or better, you know. Or you got this gun on you.

SPEAKER_01 17:28

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 17:29

You know.

SPEAKER_01 17:30

Yeah, and I agree with that. And the reason why I ask you that, because so many people they go through things, excuse me, they go through things and they're ashamed of their story.

SPEAKER_00 17:42

Oh no.

SPEAKER_01 17:42

Or they don't try to help anybody else.

SPEAKER_00 17:44

Yeah, same man. I mean, just like the anger management I took while I was in college, you know, you you gotta have that. I use that today. Excuse me.

SPEAKER_02 17:55

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_00 17:55

Come sometime, sometimes, you know, you might say something about bloom, I'm about to snap. Yeah. I just, no, this is what I need to do.

SPEAKER_01 18:04

Yeah, yeah, and that's important.

SPEAKER_00 18:06

Cause you gotta, you gotta always try to control your anger. Yeah. If you can control your anger, you can you can make it work.

SPEAKER_01 18:14

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 18:15

You know.

SPEAKER_01 18:15

Yeah, I'm big on that. And I'm big on that too. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 18:19

So, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 18:21

I just wanted to um really touch on that today because that's been something that you and I have been talking about privately, about the gun violence and what we're seeing now in today's um world and losing all of these children and all of these young men trying to be a part of. And um, I just felt like it was important that you tell your story.

SPEAKER_00 18:45

I'm glad you brought me on here for that.

SPEAKER_01 18:47

Yeah, I I don't think that anybody, excuse me, I don't think that anybody should be ashamed of their story. Um, and sometimes you gotta tell the story either when you're in it or you gotta tell it when you're out of it. You don't have to tell all of your story, but I think it's extremely, extremely important to be able to tell some of your story to help somebody else. And so hopefully.

SPEAKER_00 19:12

I hope I can read some of somebody young or older. Yeah, no, because the gun ain't the answer.

SPEAKER_01 19:19

Right.

SPEAKER_00 19:20

The gun ain't the answer.

SPEAKER_01 19:21

It's not the answer. That's right. The gun is not the answer. You gotta know how to put those guns down because again, a lot of children are losing their lives. Innocent people are losing their lives, innocent, innocent people, and mothers and fathers are having to bury their children.

SPEAKER_00 19:38

They're suffering from mind.

SPEAKER_01 19:40

And they're suffering, and it's it's so sad. So if you had to, again, before we end this, um, if you had to tell that person that's about to pick up that gun and they're going to fight this battle, if you had to tell them something, what would it do to make them change their mindset?

SPEAKER_00 20:02

I was I was I would just address them as you know make them weigh the situation out.

SPEAKER_02 20:12

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 20:13

Just think about the whole situation.

SPEAKER_01 20:15

Yeah. The entire picture.

SPEAKER_00 20:17

Yeah, the entire picture. Now, do you feel like you really need this to do anything? Yeah. Why you can't just go back and talk about it?

SPEAKER_02 20:26

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 20:26

You know, you don't gotta have no no gun. Just be a man.

SPEAKER_02 20:31

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 20:32

You know, cause you got the gun. Just be a man and say, okay, let's let's talk. Let's you know, we can work this out better than this. Yeah, yeah. You know.

SPEAKER_01 20:41

And not only that, but being careful too. People are having guns in homes. Be careful about placing your guns.

SPEAKER_00 20:49

You gotta have, you gotta, you if you got a gun in your home, it should be secure. Yeah. Where a kid, or baby, or child cannot get it.

SPEAKER_01 20:56

Well, not be able to get it. Right.

SPEAKER_00 20:58

You know, you look a little child just lost his life a couple months ago behind the same thing, playing with a wow. So, you know.

SPEAKER_01 21:05

Yeah, yeah. You know, you just and mothers are having to bury their children because of other people's neglect.

SPEAKER_00 21:12

And I feel like, you know, I might be wrong, but if the parent had a gun out where that child can get that gun, the parent's supposed to pay for it.

SPEAKER_01 21:20

They need to be held responsible.

SPEAKER_00 21:21

You feel that way? You're supposed to pay the price for it. Yeah. It don't matter. If you put that gun out and know it ain't secured, and that child gets that gun, you should, that parent should be held accountable.

SPEAKER_01 21:33

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 21:34

Because the parent knows better.

SPEAKER_01 21:35

Or whomever, not only just the parent, but whomever that child is in the place of in that custody.

SPEAKER_00 21:40

Yeah. Whatever home he go to, if if that gun is not secured, they should be held responsible.

SPEAKER_01 21:48

No if and buts about it. No, no, I forgot, no nothing.

SPEAKER_00 21:52

Oh no.

SPEAKER_01 21:52

You gotta be held responsible.

SPEAKER_00 21:54

Forgive me for nothing.

SPEAKER_01 21:55

Yeah, no. I agree with that. They have to take accountability. Whatever it costs, that's right. You have to take accountability.

SPEAKER_00 22:01

That's what you gotta pay.

SPEAKER_01 22:02

Yeah, yeah. I believe that.

SPEAKER_00 22:04

You've grown, you know better.

SPEAKER_01 22:06

Yeah. No, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 22:08

All right. The main thing is just lay the guns down.

SPEAKER_01 22:11

Yeah. All right. Well, thank you so much. I appreciate your insight. It's it's a it was a good insight, a good talk for um for becoming with share. And I just thought that it was very important for us to talk about the gun violence. We've seen so much of it. So um this is uh episode two. You are the higher co-host that will not get paid. But thank you again for tuning in to becoming with share. Um, thank you to my co-host, Mr. Kelvin Oglesby. Please make sure you follow us, you like us, you comment, you leave a review, please share. We are on Becoming with Sharm all platforms. You can also download the audio on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. Again, thank you so much. We'll see you next time.